Location Of Carmen Sandiego Revealed
In a moment that seemed like it would never come, geographers have answered the age-old question: “Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?”
Cat Meeting Delayed Due To Yarn-Ball
They happened upon the proverbial “holy grail” of cat society; a yarn-ball.
Buzz Lightyear Finally Makes It Past Infinity; Isn’t Impressed
“It fucking sucks up there.” He told us in an exclusive interview.
Legendary Naked Statues To Be Clothed
Continuing a string of recent “Political Corrections” which started with the censoring of Mark Twain’s Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, several famous nude sculptures are set to be clothed before being re-opened for public viewing.
Surgeon Flagged For Excessive Celebration
World renowned heart surgeon Darrell King made what he referred to as a “rookie mistake” this Saturday when performing a quadruple-bypass.
Area Man Gives Worst Directions In Recorded History
Accusations out of the suburbs today, as a local man was accused of giving the “worst directions in the history of white people.”
Anti-Vampire Vigilante Brought To Justice
Vigilante Desmond Howl has been arrested and will be tried on numerous counts of Vampire terrorism.
Canada Announces It Will Be First To The Moon
“Canada will be the first nation to land on the moon,” he declared with a socially awkward confidence.
Mexican Gangs Discover They Can Make Money Without Selling Drugs
A Mexican man with a sun-worn face and gang-tattooed arms walked into an employment agency in Houston, Texas last week, leaving the drug business behind for brighter horizons.
Alabama ‘No-Tell Motel’ Adds 24-Hour Confessional Booth
“God has no last call. Speak to him as needed. Johnny Deuce Motel.”
Metaphor Challenges Irony And Sarcasm To Debate
“Listen here, it’s like if twenty-year-old Mike Tyson challenged old-ass Bernie Madoff to a boxing match. Ain’t no thing.”
World’s Youngest Baby Dethroned Again
David Lightfoot, announced as the world’s youngest baby two-and-a-half seconds ago, has been replaced in his capacity by Vietnam’s Hong-Su Chan.
Congressional Hopeful Issues Preventative Apology: ‘I’m Going to Nail My Interns’
“Also I hate black people.”
Grim Reaper Loses License, Forced to Take Part-Time Job
Hot Like Sauce brings it to you first… The Better Business Bureau has officially black-balled the man they call Grimmy.
University’s Youngest Fraternity Adds Veteran to Next Year’s Spring Break Roster
Kipper’s a soft spoken guy, but he’s the real deal. I think his stats speak for themselves.