Follow Her:

Listed Name: ERRKUH.

Bio: “aaaand judging you.”

Tweeting Since: Apr 10, 2011

Rundown: ERRKUH is from Iowa City, where we assume you have to develop a sense of humor in order to maintain mental stability. On that front, she has succeeded wonderfully. Tweet for tweet, joke for joke, she is as funny as anybody on Twitter. Her style screams “I’m a woo girl” but her content screams the exact opposite. Dangerously clever and viewing the world in a way most of us only wish we could, ERRKUH is one tweeter you absolutely have to follow to get any respect from us.

Example Tweets:

“Sometimes when I’m bored I go around knocking Asian women’s babies out of their arms yelling ‘WHOOPS DROPPED YOUR CALCULATOR!’”

“GUYS IT’S FUCKING BEAUTIFUL OUTSIDE TODAY!!!! (just checked my weather app)”

“Heard models eat cotton balls dipped in orange juice when hungry. Don’t have any, so using marshmallows and ranch. Can’t wait to be skinny!”

Follow Him:

Listed Name: oddspeak

Bio: “Quite the little escapologist.”

Tweeting Since: Jul 13, 2010

Rundown: We don’t know where oddspeak is from, but wherever he is, he’s brilliant. He utilizes observational humor and finds comedic gold in simplicity. He won’t try to overwhelm you with convoluted, “look how clever I can be” jokes. Instead, he comes right out with observations and quips we can all relate to. In short, he doesn’t try to confuse you, he just tries to make you laugh. And if you’re anything like us, he almost always succeeds. We recommend him as a must follow to add more laughter to your daily life.

Example Tweets:

“The best part of this song is when you shut up and let me listen to it.”

“I’ve spent more time on finding a new desktop wallpaper than I have on decisions that will affect my entire life.”

“If it existed, my roommate would win the award for un-smoothest person ever. And then he’d trip over a kitten and drop the trophy on a baby.”

Follow Him:

Listed Name: Andrew

Bio: “Aspiring humorist. Christopher Walken impersonator. Amateur police sketch artist.”

Tweeting Since: Jul 13, 2010

Rundown: Andrew is from where the taco truck is parked. Andrew is hilarious. Andrew is grossly under followed. In our time following funny individuals on Twitter as a source of constant entertainment, we have found few as clever as him. It’s astonishing that he has fewer than 600 followers (at the time of this article) but we’re sure it won’t last long. As soon as people see his jokes for the first time, they will follow him immediately. Coincidentally, that’s what we’re recommending you do.

Example Tweets:

“I’m getting concerned that Beyonce never told those single ladies to put their hands down and now there’s a bunch of unfed cats out there.”

“Does General Mills outrank Captain Crunch?? I don’t know much about the Cereal Military.”

“It’s probably offensive to Native Americans if you call your journey to get a McRib a ‘vision quest.’”

Follow Him:

Listed Name: Jordan

Bio: “I’m a 3rd generation backwards-hat aficionado. I’ve been known to give a dog a boner from time to time, and I appreciate the smooth sounds of Fred Durst.”

Tweeting Since: Jun 26, 2009

Rundown: Hailing from Kent, Ohio, Jordan is one of the people who will keep you coming back to Twitter. Biting wit combined with cunning insight make him a favorite of ours, and surely will make him one of yours as well. His jokes are often layered, requiring some thought to fully appreciate them. If thinking’s not your thing, don’t follow him. Otherwise, definitely do.

Example Tweets:

“Most men born in the 1800′s would roll over in their grave if they saw how much we allow women to talk nowadays.”

“I forgot to tell you guys I’m at the gym so if you need to get ahold of me I’ll be at the gym and I’ll talk to you after I leave the gym.”

“Hey ladies, want to know what’s so great about a handjob?

I can do it myself. So stop those.”

Follow Her:

Listed Name: Liz, Queen Of Cheese

Bio: “Hi, I’m a solipsist. Pleased to meet me.”

Tweeting Since: Mar 29, 2010

Rundown: Liz is the self-declared Queen of Cheese. Liz is also, by us declared, a master of wordplay. As we’ve searched Twitter for the best and brightest comedic talents, both known and unknown, few people’s abilities with puns have impressed us even close to as much as her’s. One stroll down her timeline and you will surely understand what we mean. We advise that you follow her immediately, or else continue missing out.

Example Tweets:

“People who live in glass houses shouldn’t manufacture methamphetamine in the living room.”

“1 Mississippi is enough.”

“A.) Good joke should B.) Clever if you C.) What I mean.”

Follow Her:

Listed Name: Mae

Bio: “LET’S DO TWEETS OFF EACH OTHER’S BUTTS.”

Tweeting Since: Jun 27, 2009

Rundown: We’ve been saving this one. Mae is a personal favorite of ours here at HotLikeSauce and comes with our absolute highest recommendation. There’s no one quite like her on Twitter. Her tweets combine biting humor, tight logic, cunning insight, and her own unique flare. Seriously, it’s enough to make you fall in love, gender regardless. It goes without saying that she is an absolute must follow, but we’ll say it anyways. Mae is an absolute must follow. Get on it.

Example Tweets:

“I will rip off your logic and make passionate sense to you.”

“I really hope people who have heart attacks in public realize they’re making it super awkward for the rest of us.”

“No, actually, my parents loved me a great deal. I’m just awful for no reason.”

Follow Him:

Listed Name: Dan Cronin

Bio: “Writer, Conan on TBS; guy who puts pint glasses in the freezer.”

Tweeting Since: Oct 25, 2009

Rundown: As you could guess based on his resumé, Dan Cronin is a seriously funny guy. He’s a Twitter favorite of many people, so there’s a good chance you already follow him. Basically we can’t break down his style of humor because it’s all encompassing. This is a world class joke teller who you need to be following if you want to follow the best and funniest on Twitter.

Example Tweets:

“Don’t put all my eggs in one basket? Nice try, basket industry.”

“I bet Pakistan tries to make us a mix tape soon.”

“’Can I have extra money for no real reason?’ (The Thought Behind Coffee Shop Tip Cups)”

Follow Her:

Listed Name: lmf

Bio: “formerly @omgitsleesa.”

Tweeting Since: May 7, 2011

Rundown: Gorgeous – check. Hilarious – check. Insightful – check. LMF reps the NYC where she spends her time, presumably, getting shit done. She used to be @omgitsleesa where she amassed a large base of followers with her witty, often quirky, and almost always true tweets. Now, beating Jesus to the punch, she has risen once again as @leesmf. You should follow her if you like any of these things: women, humor, good advice, bunny rabbits, or charity. Basically, she’s an absolute must follow.

Example Tweets:

“I get upset when people say ‘no biggie’, cause I really wish he was still here. : (”

“When you stop the alcohol, life becomes a big game of proving you’re still fun-ish.”

“so, it looks like all I have to do is lose about 110 pounds to reach my goal of invisibility.”

Follow Him:

Listed Name: Sean Gabay

Bio: “Some have said, A smooth, pimped out player from the streets who still knows how to get his.”

Tweeting Since: Sep 23, 2009

Rundown: Sean Gabay is from Chicago where he spends his time being a funny dude. He writes for RottenTomatoes, but also brings the funny to Twitter. He has immense comedic talent and a seemingly non-existent fuse, ranting about anything that dares to step in his path. While he spends a lot of his time creating critical humor, it is nowhere near his only genre. Using his limitless comedic range, he will certainly make you laugh daily. Sean is a must follow.

Example Tweets:

“The man sitting next to me in Starbucks is watching porn on his laptop.

Just to make it equally awkward I started masturbating to it.”

“What made John Mayer quit twitter, and can we use it to get him to quit music?”

“I won’t be impressed with science until I can download a waffle.”

Follow Him:

Listed Name: Julius Sharpe

Bio: “Writer for Family Guy on FOX. Frequent bathrobe wearer.”

Tweeting Since: Sep 23, 2009

Rundown: Julius Sharpe wears bathrobes frequently. And sometimes he writes for Family Guy. Most importantly though, he tweets. He tweets his ass off. When we highlight tweeters, we’re demonstrating how rich of a talent pool there is on Twitter comprised of common people. This is different, however. Julius Sharpe provides world class humor, 140 characters or less at a time. There really isn’t a fitting description for it. You probably already follow him but if not, you’re missing out on the cream of the crop. Come into the light and follow him immediately.

Example Tweets:

“If I’ve learned one thing from ‘CSI’ it’s: try not to jizz while committing a murder.”

“’You know how you like to eat maybe 3 apples a week? Here’s 50.’ – fruit baskets”

“I’m creeped out by the Hamburger Helper glove. ‘Hi, I’m a dismembered hand here to help out with dinner.’ No thanks.”

Follow Her:

Listed Name: Jane

Bio: “I’m sorry if I offend you. For those that I don’t, I will try a little harder.”

Tweeting Since: Jul 24, 2009

Rundown: A staple of Twitter’s comedic movement, you probably already follow Jane. She’s amassed over 13,000 followers (at the time of this article) and it’s no wonder why. She’s hilarious. It’s that simple. Every single tweet is laugh-out-loud funny and she drops several every day. Following her is the quickest way we can think of to guarantee more laughs in your every day life.

Example Tweets:

“MY VOICEMAIL: ‘Leave a message motherfucka’.’

MY GRANDMA’S MESSAGE: ‘Um. Call your grandmotherfucker, potty mouth. And go to church.’”

“My dress is not revealing. Its informative.”

“Bras are pockets for boobs. and cash. and sometimes my ipod. oh and weapons. and I’m not proud, food.”

Follow Him:

Listed Name: dropdeadchris

Bio: “Living as fast as I can.”

Tweeting Since: Nov 9, 2007

Rundown: Chris is living (and tweeting) as fast as he can. Consistently hilarious, you’ll never know what to expect out of his tweets. He can hit you from all angles, displaying seemingly limitless comedic range. He also champions that intangible factor, laughter. You will laugh more for following him, and if you’re like us, that is a must. Ergo, @dropdeadchris is a must follow. Get on it.

Example Tweets:

“If your wife can’t handle a compliment maybe she shouldn’t keep such a well groomed mustache.”

“Just curious if anyone has looked into the laws of marrying an electric blanket. I am in Utah if this changes anything.”

“I miss being the age when I thought I would have my shit together by the time I was the age I am now.”

Have you ever wondered what goes on beyond the tweets in the thought process of this comedic genius? We did, so we went inside the mind with Jamie Capria.

People who follow everyone back have different reasons for doing so; be it to avoid exclusivity, to make themselves accessible, or just to gain followers more quickly. Is there any one, particular reason that you do it? If so, what is it?

I do it for two reasons actually. First, I figure if people are taking time out of their lives to read and support my humor, I should listen to what they have to say when I can too. I obviously don’t have the time to read everyone’s tweets, but I try to keep up as much as possible. I branch people off into lists and the more time I have the further into my lists I go. The other reason I do it is because I’m kind of anal about keeping my timeline clean, so I don’t do a lot of @ replying, and when I do I delete them afterward. I get a lot of people who aren’t on Twitter checking my page regularly and Twitter’s format makes it tough on page visitors because they’re only seeing half of a conversation, or comments on tweets that don’t make any sense unless they saw the original tweet that sparked the comment to begin with. So I do most of my commenting through my inbox instead. You need to be mutually following people for that to work.

If you were the Minister of Propaganda for a totalitarian regime, what “facts” would you create? Who would be the scapegoat for all of your nation’s problems?

To me, talking about politics is like trying to write a review for a play where they forgot to draw the curtain for the most important acts. It’s all corrupt, and you never see what’s really going on. It all revolves around who’s in whose pocket. That, and I’m too objective, diplomatic, and free spirited to ever have any real interest in politics. Politics is about taking a stand, and in most cases, I don’t think there’s only one stand to take. Circumstances are different for everyone, so there’s rarely ever one right way to do things or one right way to think. So in that regard, I guess I’d be a fan of less government… which would contradict totalitarianism… totally. I’d be the guy who got impeached for secretly teaching the citizens civil disobedience ideas. My scapegoat would be Kanye West, for no other reason than every time he opens his mouth I want to backhand him.

If you could choose anyone on Twitter to be your writing partner, who would you choose and why?

This is a tough one because there are so many brilliant minds on Twitter I’d love to work with. If I had to choose one though, I’d probably go with Pauly Casillas. (@PaulyPeligroso) He’s relentlessly funny and he has unlimited comedic range. He can go from witty to raw without blinking, and he has that rare ability to find the humor in anything or anyone without being offensive because he doesn’t have a drop of racist or malicious blood in his body. More importantly though, I’d get to drink a lot of Mexican beer.

What is the worst flavor that exists? What’s the worst that you can make up?

Rosie O’Donnell. I imagine she would taste like death. I can’t make up anything worse than that.

A lot of your jokes get stolen, but I think in particular your “Resolutions” joke was stolen more times than I can even count. To what extent do you think we have intellectual property rights on an open source like Twitter?

Yeah, that one was insane. It has 692 stars, but I’m not exaggerating when I say it’s been stolen over 5,000 times on Twitter alone. Then when you Google it, it’s all over the internet too. To some degree, it’s flattering… but at the same time, you’d like to get credit for your work. You have these jackasses that are stealing every tweet they find and passing it off as their own because they want to gain followers or have people think they’re funny, and they have this “it’s just Twitter” attitude. No, it’s not just Twitter. Those are someone’s thoughts you’re taking credit for, and even the amateurs or casual users work hard to be funny or entertaining every day. In my case, you’re not just stealing my thoughts, you’re stealing my work. If I tell a really good joke and it gets stolen by the masses, who then have it stolen from them by the masses, suddenly that becomes an unusable joke for me. Imagine if I tried using the resolutions joke on stage? People in the crowd would be thinking… someone emailed me that joke 2 months ago, this guy’s a hack. My 3rd tweet ever was “I’m searching Facebook for people named Hontas, just because I think it would be cool to poke a Hontas.” Now, I would never use that on stage… but at the same time, that joke got stolen by tens of thousands. More so off Twitter than on because status update sites got a hold of it and every idiot with a Facebook account used it. Yet I only got a whole 53 stars for it. 53 people know that was my joke. So yeah, I mean… it can be annoying. I’ve learned to keep anything I know I’ll use on stage off Twitter for the most part.

If we could get all the tweet thieves into a big room, and then do with them whatever we wanted, what would be on your “to-do” list?

There are different levels of tweet thieves. Some people just see something along the way and want to share it without knowing its origin. Others do it to gain popularity and followers. Then you have the jerk offs like these parody accounts who steal everything they can get their hands on and have 100’s of thousands of blind followers for no other reason than to make money with their Twitter accounts. So not only are you stealing other people’s thoughts and work, but you’re profiting from it too? Put me in a room with those dickbags and I’ll be doing some shit to them that would make Saw cringe.

Turducken?

What’d you just call me? A bird in a bird in a bird? Word. It’s like a culinary threesome. Who the hell thought of that anyway? I picture two stoners after about 50 bong hits. Duuuude… you know what would be cool inside a turkey? A duck. Yeah maaaan… and you know what would be cool inside a duck? A chicken.

How much of your Twitter material do you incorporate into your stand up sets?

That’s a good question. Most Twitter material doesn’t translate well on stage. There are a lot of people who do well on Twitter and they think… hey… comedy is easy, I could do stand up. That’s not how it works. If you get on stage with puns and word play and short little quips, you might as well be telling your jokes to a stone wall. You need to have an actual act and a stage presence, and you better be prepared to switch gears on the fly too, because crowds vary. If you try the exact same act on every crowd, you’re going to have some tough nights. Especially if you travel. I always prepare way more material than my allotted time slot, that way I can adjust to the crowds easily. My tweets are mostly spontaneous. I know a lot of people have drafts and lists, but I kind of make shit up as I go on Twitter. So what I do is group a lot of like-topic tweets together and then mesh them into an actual bit. Most tweets get scrapped though.

If you could incessantly point a laser pointer at anyone, who would you point it at and why?

If you’re using a laser pointer for anything besides fucking with cats, you’re doing it wrong.

Seriously though, what IS the deal with airplane food?

Maybe they should serve turducken? Then it would be a bird in a bird in a bird in a plane. That, and a triple shot of tryptophan would help put everyone to sleep on those long flights. Hear that Gerber & Oscar Meyer? Turducken baby food and Lunchables. Brilliant!

Describe your brand of comedy using only the names of things you would find in a grocery store.

Trail mix, antipasto, and potpourri. I would have said wapatula, but grocery stores don’t sell liquor. I throw everything into it, and I’m all over the place. As long as it’s not hurtful, I’ll seek out the humor in anything. Which is another reason why I have so many mutual followers. I can appreciate a lot of different comedy styles, so there are endless amounts of people on Twitter who make me laugh. I had one woman send me a message to say she was unfollowing me because she “found my sexual humor disgusting.” I found that kind of amusing because even though I touch on it once in a while, I certainly don’t rely on sexual humor. The funny part about it to me though, was hey lady… you’re following a guy named Mr. Fornicator… what’d you expect? Knock, knock jokes?

Follow Him:

Listed Name: jon

Bio: “Titular pianist.”

Tweeting Since: May 28, 2010

Rundown: Jon is a titular pianist from Los Angeles, California. Also, he’s a funny dude. He’s risen through the Twitter ranks with relative quickness and it’s easy to see why. His jokes are always clever and often leave you waiting for a punch line you wouldn’t expect. Laughter is a guarantee when you let his tweets into your timeline. Follow him immediately, it’s a good idea.

Example Tweets:

“My plan to impress sexy ladies with big words has backfired egregiously.”

“I’m going to make some girl Really happy one day until I stop liking her and start phasing her out in a passive aggressive manner.”

“It’s easy for me to blame my problems on anyone but myself, and that’s your fault.”

Follow Him:

Listed Name: Adam Fogle

Bio: “Sometimes, when the weather is nice, I ghost ride my wheelchair.”

Tweeting Since: Jul 15, 2010

Rundown: Adam Fogle is from Columbia, South Carolina, where sometimes he ghost rides his wheelchair. He is a master of crafting short-form jokes, and a champion at making us fall down laughing. Calling his tweets one-liners is an injustice, so you’ll have to see for yourself, but rest assured, they would be among the best one-liners anywhere on the internet. Adam Fogle is an absolute must follow if increased laughter is your goal.

Example Tweets:

“I swear, the next person who pisses me off will find out very quickly that my threats are empty.”

“If you ever see me throw myself from a moving vehicle, just assume Creed came on the radio.”

“Really, most of your problems in life can be traced back to that time you didn’t learn magic.”

Follow Him:

Listed Name: Keating Thomas

Bio: “I like subtle metaphors. I am God.”

Tweeting Since: May 10, 2010

Rundown: Keating Thomas likes subtle metaphors. Keating Thomas is God. Okay, we’ll ignore the fact that he might have the best bio on Twitter, that still doesn’t change another fact; he’s a comic genius. His punchlines are often unexpected and always cerebral. I can’t imagine any circumstances under which one would regret following him, quite the opposite in fact. Many laughs will come from it, so follow him immediately.

Example Tweets:

“God has all telltale signs of being a closeted homosexual: unmarried, adoptive son, silk robes, talented designer, homophobic.”

“I love that phones have advanced to the point where I don’t have to talk to anybody ever again.”

“If I had to wrestle The Rock, I would invent my own wrestling character: The Paper.”

Follow Him:

Listed Name: Louis Peitzman

Bio: “Writer working for TV.com, the SF Bay Guardian, the SF Chronicle, io9 and anyone else who wants to pay me. Also on WitStream. Also: @LouisAtTVDotCom.”

Tweeting Since: Feb 25, 2009

Rundown:Louis Peitzman represents Berkeley, California with flare, humor, a touch of depression, and blankets – lots of blankets. He is a rare breed of writer, and by that we mean he actually gets work writing. His talent is clear, and we thank him for sharing it with us for free both on Twitter and WitStream. From our end, we’ll say that he’s a master of several comedic voices and, no matter which he chooses, he’s always on key. Not only does he earn our seal of approval, but our highest recommendation. Following him will be simple, laughing will be easy. You have nothing to lose.

Example Tweets:

“This is probably going to sound really gay, but the sunset is GORGEOUS right now and I love making out with dudes.”

“They should make a movie with Katy Perry and Russell Brand and film it on an island and there isn’t a movie and let’s leave them there.”

“Honestly, though, I’m so tired of people who aren’t Beyonce.”

Follow Him:

Listed Name: Jeff

Bio: “Two things I overuse: the colon and the ellipsis…”

Tweeting Since: Dec 20, 2010

Rundown: On all of Twitter, there may not be a more under-followed person than Jeff, aka @sweet_toof. Anyone who uses Twitter for humor will relate to his comedic sensibility. Basically, he’s always doing 1 of 2 things: 1) saying something you’ve always thought, but saying it better than you’ve ever been able to; or 2) saying something staggeringly brilliant and hilarious that no one else has or could ever think of. It’s for these reasons that we forgive his overuse of colons and ellipsis, and why we know you will too. If anyone is a must follow, it’s him.

Example Tweets:

“Before Twitter, if I read something hysterically funny I would laugh. Now I just click the star button without changing my facial expression”

“I’m in Wyoming today. I just saw their black person.”

“If facebook had a Dislike Button, I would never leave my house.”

Follow Him:

Listed Name: The False Prophet

Bio: “McGriddle Enthusiast, Once Was Forced To Sit Through ‘CATS’ With Poopy Underwear. RESPECT THIS PINK TOWEL! *BEEP BOOP*”

Tweeting Since: Aug 29, 2008

Rundown: His listed name is “The False Prophet,” but his Twitter prophecies are very legitimate. You probably already follow YUCKYBOT, but we would be contradicting ourselves if we didn’t include him in our spotlight section. He’s everything we praise; funny, insightful, clever, and most of all, human. In addition to providing gut wrenching laughs and thought provoking quips tweet after tweet, he’s one of the most proactive tweeters when it comes to using his popularity to help unknown talents get footing. If Twitter was a sport, we would call him a “5-tool player” because he truly does it all, and better than most. He is a must follow.

Example Tweets:

“Ladies, if your Facebook status is ‘It’s Complicated’ it’s really not. It’s simple, you have a shitty boyfriend, and you’re co-dependent.”

“I always begin to think I’m becoming a man. Then I walk into a spider web…”

“Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I’d like to read a medication bottle and see ‘MAY CAUSE AWESOME CHOREOGRAPHY!’”

Follow Him:

Listed Name: Michael Pierce

Bio: “I own a Professional Sports Franchise. Don’t feel intimidated though, I never think of myself as better than you just because of my Fantasy Football Team.”

Tweeting Since: Feb 28, 2008

Rundown: Michael Pierce is from Overland Park, Kansas, where he keeps his ego in check despite owning a fantasy football team. There’s a reasonable chance that you already follow him, but if not you’re in for a treat. We’re ready to declare him the foremost authority on unexpected punchlines anywhere on the internet. We can talk about his technical prowess for days, or we can just tell you that he’s hilarious and brilliant and a necessary follow before you can claim to know shit about jokes on Twitter.

Example Tweets:

“My son asked why I’m drinking. My silence must have been a good answer because he turned around & slowly walked away in my wife’s heels.”

“I’d like to tell you I can keep you safe Son but lets be realistic here, we’re dealing with a closet that has a God damn monster in it.”

“I think the greatest feature of the new iPad is the ability to hold it up to your ear like an iPhone & pretend you have a really tiny head.”