Breaking news out of Mobile, Alabama: Pummeling hookers is now acceptable amongst God-fearing people.
The Johnny Deuce Motel, one of several “no-tell motels” around the state has added a 24-hour coin operated confessional booth to clear good people of their all-too-recent moral lapses.
Johnny Tusecki, owner of the motel which offers three-hour room rentals, had this to say:
“I was thinking to myself one night, what actually is the greatest thing since sliced bread? That’s when I came up with it. It’s the same concept really. I mean, people are going to eat bread, right? You can’t stop them, so why not slice it for convenience? Well, people are going to have indiscriminate sex with strangers and call girls too, so why shouldn’t they be able to confess in a convenient location? It‘s the same thing.”
The confessional booth, which is located directly beside the vending machines, is staffed by three local priests alternating 8-hour shifts, allowing the booth to remain open 24-hours. This time leniency attracts many customers from the late-night bar scene.
Tusecki says that the impact the booth has had on his business is immeasurable.
“We used to only get your average Joe’s coming in here. But since the booth it’s been different. Now we get respected community leaders, politicians, school teachers, foreign dignitaries, all kinds of folks really.”
With this sudden influx of new business, Tusecki has been forced to employ more people as well as start an advertising campaign.
Every night around 2 A.M., Tusecki sends local teens to the bars wearing signs that read:
“GOD HAS NO LAST CALL.
SPEAK TO HIM AS NEEDED.
JOHNNY DEUCE MOTEL.”
“We’re trying to send a message as well as offer a service,” Tusecki concluded, “We’re saying not to be ashamed of who you are. We’re saying that if you want to fuck this hooker, that’s cool. God made you and he made your impulses too. All he wants is a little shout out afterwards. Now you can do the whole job here.”
