Online Grammar & Vocabulary forums are buzzing. Hot Like Sauce brings it to you first: the rumors are true, Metaphor has challenged Irony and Sarcasm to a debate.
The bold challenge was issued upon news that Irene E. Schoenberg, author of the legendary “Focus on Grammar” textbook series, is preparing to expand her cult-classic franchise. While there will certainly be room for all major parts of speech and tools of expression, only one will take home the coveted “Chapter One: Section One.” This prestigious top billing has eluded Metaphor in the past. Not this time, it says.
“It’s like leaving the Sun out in the cold,” Metaphor said. “I’m the hammer in the carpenter’s tool belt.”
“Are you at all worried about the challenge ahead?” We asked.
“Hell nah,” Metaphor said, calm as a Hindu cow. “Listen here, it’s like if twenty-year-old Mike Tyson challenged old-ass Bernie Madoff to a boxing match. Ain’t no thing.”
But for as confident as Metaphor sounded, Sarcasm sounded all the more reassured.
“He’s gonna beat me? Yeah, that’s probably going to happen,” Sarcasm said mockingly.
Irony declined to comment, but asked us to point out that it will be taking part in arguably the most ironic debate of all time. In other words, Irony feels that there is no decision to be made.
In other grammar news, Hyperbole has been making quite a buzz on the World Wide Web, under the username “Over-Killer,” about its being shut out of the upcoming debate.
“They keep me out of the debate, what’s next?” Hyperbole posted on one internet message board; “Seriously, what’s next? Are they just going to take me out of the book entirely? Maybe trade me to Mandarin for some flash cards? What?!”
Hyperbole later apologized for being so damned hyperbolic.
