As we all know, Sunday marked the 67th annual occurrence of the Golden Globe awards, given to recognize excellence in the writing, production, and direction of film and television.
We also knew going in that everyone accepting an award would certainly thank the Hollywood Foreign Press Association for selecting them from amongst the nominees as the most deserving recipient in their respective category.
What we did not know, however, was that the HFPA deserved thanks for only one thing… nothing.
The night was as predictable as it could have possibly been, and not nearly as predictable as it was nauseating. The HFPA, in their infinite wisdom, elected to award the wrong people almost every time they were given the opportunity, which, unfortunately for all semi-literate and above film fans, was frequently.
While giving his acceptance speech for “Best Screenplay – Drama,” Jason Reitman, the penman of 2009′s “Up In The Air” seemed to be the only person in attendance with his head on straight. This became apparent when his speech began with; “I’m still waiting for them to say Quentin’s name, I don’t know what’s going on.”
The “Quentin” to whom he was referring is none other than iconic film maker Quentin Tarantino, who’s 2009 masterpiece “Inglourious Basterds” was snubbed on more than one occasion by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association.
And thus, the pattern of illegitimate victors continued throughout the evening, culminating in James Cameron’s over-priced, sci-fi, fuck fest on wheels “Avatar” taking down the prestigious award for “Best Picture – Drama.”
To those who’d watched the entire ceremony, by the time this award was announced, it wasn’t shocking in the least that Cameron’s CGI wet dream took home the gold. In fact, the only real surprise of the night was that the CGI didn’t triumph in the “Best Actor – Drama” category.
None the less, Cameron took to the stage to give his long awaited acceptance speech. For most viewers, this was the time to light a cigarette and reflect on the despicable nature of our nation’s entertainment industry.
Seeing as how I missed the speech, and giving James Cameron credit for being a reasonably intelligent man, I can only imagine his speech went something like this:
“First I would just like to tell the Hollywood Foreign Press Association to go fuck themselves. Once again, they’ve dropped the ball. When will they learn that simply because a movie brings billions of dollars into the industry, that does not make it good? Anyways, enough of my ranting. I would just like to thank my target audience for this film. Yes, the state of Alabama, that means you. The use of CGI has given me an effective outlet to say nothing in a very epic fashion over the course of several hours, and allow my brainless viewers to watch crazy shit. And just when they think they’ve seen the craziest shit, boom, crazier shit. That makes me a good film maker. I would also like to thank all of the schmucks who spent the extra seven dollars on 3D glasses. I really got you fuckers good. Anyways, I have to go now. I need to begin composing epic music for my next master piece of shit. I don’t really know what it’s about yet, but to be honest, I don’t know what Avatar was about either. I can’t wait to accept this award in fifteen years, once again without warrant, as a giant slap in the face to film makers like Quentin Tarantino who actually make good films that force people’s brains to function. That’s right Quentin, good dialogue is a waste of time. I’m out of here.”
