Bob Barker Revealed as Founder of Decades-Old Underground Dog Breeding-Ring; says ‘Fuck the Pet Population’
It was revealed today that the legendary ex-host of the Price is Right founded an underground dog breeding ring in the 1960s called “Puppies for Puppies.” The group, which consists of 200 members nation-wide, can be identified by their black bandanas and t-shirts which read: “Neutering: the New Holocaust.”
Barker, who hosted the show for over 35 years, was known for his signature sign-off phrase: “help control the pet population; have your pets spayed or neutered.” However, we can now estimate that some 100,000 Pomeranians and roughly 83% of the world’s Rottweiler’s came directly from Barker’s basement breeding powerhouse.
Police in Darrington, Washington; Barker’s hometown, responded to a complaint issued by a local resident who attempted to purchase a Shiatsu mix from the P.I.R. host. After paying full price for the canine, Marsha McHale was refused her new pet when she could not accurately guess the ascending prices of the pooper-scooper, Alpo dog food, and Extenzo-Leash included in Barker’s “Showcase Showdown” fully stocked purchase package.
When police arrived on the scene, Barker was found boarded in his vacation home shouting orders through a megaphone. Hostage negotiators were brought in to deal with the irate television icon.
After hours of negotiation, Barker presented the officers with an opportunity to play Plinko for their choice of $10,000 or a six-month old Newfoundland. At this time, all members of the media were asked to vacate the premises.
Chief of Police John Haralson commented: “You never know with [these] situations. Our judgment at the time told us that it would be safer for everyone involved if the media wasn’t present. It took a few hours for the scene to calm down after the area was vacated.” He continued, “We took the dog, we felt it was the right choice; plus, he wouldn’t give us the Plinko board.”
Sparky, the city of Darrington’s new police mascot, will sleep below three autographed photos of Barker, which the department received in place of his surrender.
“We think it was a win for us,” Haralson said to conclude the interview.